


My Baz-mortal

by livtontea



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Crack, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, The Author Regrets Everything, end me!! it would be less painful!! AAA, i hate this so much, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24005632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livtontea/pseuds/livtontea
Summary: Hi my name is Tyrannus B'asilton Grimm-Pitch (but I just go by Baz because Tyrannus is a name for fucking normies) and I have long ebony black hair that reaches my shoulders (that's why it's long, I'm a boy so my hair is long for a boy even though it would be short if I was a girl) and I smell like cedar and bergamot and sometimes on good day basil (that's how I got my name) and my eyes are grey like limpid rain during storms, and a lot of people tell me I look like Edward Cullen (A/N: If you don't know who he is get da hell out of here! Prep).Alternatively: Lord forgive me for the sin i have committed.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 29
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i have many regrets!!! and this is one of them!!! this is big on my regrets list!!! enjoy :')

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my frend james, @jinxedjam 4 inspiring me wif da story. U rok! bro ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok! MCR ROX!

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Hi my name is Tyrannus B'asilton Grimm-Pitch (but I just go by Baz because Tyrannus is a name for fucking normies) and I have long ebony black hair that reaches my shoulders (that's why it's long, I'm a boy so my hair is long for a boy even though it would be short if I was a girl) and I smell like cedar and bergamot and sometimes on good day basil (that's how I got my name) and my eyes are grey like limpid rain during storms, and a lot of people tell me I look like Edward Cullen (A/N: If you don't know who he is get da hell out of here! Prep). I'm not related to gerard way but I wish I was because he is like, a MAJOR fucking hottie. Im a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale skin even though I'm Egyptian on my mum's side (that's because of the vampirism). I'm also a mage and I go to school called Watford in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love HOt Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt (boys can wear corsets and skirts too!! If u don't think so get da hell out I don't respect u) and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, and loads of eyeliner and red eyeshadow to highlight my eyes. I was walking outside Watford. It was snowing and raining and there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put my middle finger up at them.

"Hey Baz!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was… Simon Snow!

"What up Snow?" I asked. (I call him by his last name because I'm cool and aloof and have like, a major crush on him, but he can never know how much I want to lick him.)

"Nothing," he said shyly.

But then, I heard my minions calling and I had to go away.

XXXXX

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

  
  
Chapter 2.  
  
AN: Fangz 2 jinxedjam 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! 

XXXXX

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. (I slept in a coffin because I was goth and sexy and not a prep, and my blood was from a hundred rats from the catacombs.) My coffin was black ebony and inside it was velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant designer lace MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather suit a pentagram necklace, combat boots and on. (I didn't wear a skirt today because I didn't feel like it) I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. 

My friend, Niall woke up then and grinned at me. (he was sleeping over because simon wasnt in our rom last night.) He got dressed in his punk clothing and opened his forest green eyes. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talk to Simon Snow yesterday!" he said excitedly.

"Yeah, so?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Simon?" he asked as we went out of my room and into the breakfast hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right," he exclaimed. Just then Simon walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in town." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well… do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

XXXXX

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN JAM! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> previously on my bazmortal: AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN JAM! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE YOU THOUGHT WRONGGG  
> im not gonna do all of my immortal bc after a certain point im filled with visceral disgust and get rlly uncomfortable but?? ill go on for a bit skfsdfjj  
> CHAPTERS 3 AND 4  
> theres a very vague and bad reference to sex but if you've read my immortal you already know what's up dskjf

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather pants and a shirt that i unbuttoned halfway down my chest (it's the peak of fashion in Paris right now). I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I ate another rat and accidentally tore my lip open with one of my fangz. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Simon was waiting there in front of his car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok! Simon was soooo awesome).

"Hi Snow!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Baz." he said back. We walked into his black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and drove to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs (I didn't care that I was flammable bc I'm goffick as shit, and fire is my bitch). When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

_“You come in cold, you're covered in blood_

_They're all so happy you've arrived_

_The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom_

_She sets you free into this life.”_ sang Joel (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

“Joel is so fucking hot.” I said to Simon, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Simon looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

"Really?" said Simon.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Joel and he’s going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Simon. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn’t go back into Watford, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Wavering Woods!

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Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok baz's name is BESTILON nut mary su OK! SIMON IS SOO IN LUV wif him dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

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“SNOW!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

SIMON didn’t answer but he stopped the car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“BAz?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

SImn leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as I Simno kissed me passionately. Simon climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my pants. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was……………………………………………………The Mage!

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAA

**Author's Note:**

> im on tumblr @bahumdrum, thank you james @jinxedjam for this incredibly horrible idea i hate it from the bottom of my heart


End file.
